Not Why. What Now?
The "Fault" Stage of Body Grief with Guest Lauren Leavell
Have you ever found yourself in a panic trying to figure out WHY your body is doing what it is doing…?
For instance…
“Ugh, why am I so tired today?”
“Why is this workout harder today than it was yesterday?”
“Why am I so hungry?”
“I don’t know why I am so emotional right now!”
This would fall into what I call the “Fault” stage of the Body Grief cycle.
My dear friend and colleague. Lauren Leavell talked about just this in our conversation surrounding Body Grief and movement. (See below for full video)!
And just as a reminder…Body Grief shows up in many ways including but not limited to…
Aging
Puberty
Disability
Chronic Illness
Unwellness
Motherhood
Infertility
Injury
Addiction
Eating Disorders
Mental Illness
Weight changes
The “Fault Stage”
This is usually early on in the Body Grief cycle, granted it is important to note that Body Grief is not linear, and there is not “right” way to grieve. But I happen to be an avid student and teacher of Body Grief, and this is how I like to classify this stage!
We tend to want to point a finger. To blame someone or something. To find the WHY. I am very much this way in almost everything that I do! I mean, hell, I went to graduate school to get my Masters in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, just so I could figure out WHY people act the way they do in times of duress.
So if you are experiencing Body Grief on some level, and you find yourself asking “WHY is this happening?” I encourage you to keep reading!
The WHY is not so important at all times. The WHY comes from the fix it mentality. “If I can figure out why something is happening to me then I can find the source and fix it.”
Instead I encourage you to ask yourself, “what now?”
There is obviously a time and a place for digging for deeper answers….but most of the time, once we have named our Body Grief, the WHY is exactly that.
I may be feeling tired, BECAUSE of my Body Grief, in my case chronic illness.
Instead of why. What now?
Lauren and I noticed that this fault stage shows up often in regards to our bodies and exercise/movement!
Lauren is an amazing and truly inclusive fitness instructor that makes it a priority to make movement accessible for everyone. Lauren holds space for Body Grief during every single class that she instructs.
Through Lauren’s membership she provides HIT classes, stretch classes and barre. What is so refreshing about Lauren’s program is that it’s not about the aesthetic, it’s not about social class, body type or physical ability, it is about movement for JOY!
As stated above, Lauren and I had a wonderful chat in regards to movement, joy, accessible fitness and Body Grief and how it can show up for her and her clients.
“One thing that comes up often while moving your body is that it is so easy to ask “why is this happening?” and have judgment towards our body’s rather than “what can I do for my body now in this moment?”
For instance, if one day you feel “off” in your movement practice, tired, sluggish, or just icky overall, that is OK and normal! And sometimes the most helpful thing that we can do is ask ourselves “what do I need” rather than “why is this happening?”
Listening to our body is crucial, and so powerful in the mind body connection, granted micro managing our body is not helpful either.
We’ve been sold the fallacy that we have control over our body. We have been sold the lie that we can micromanage our biology, but we cannot! So the antidote to that? Naming your Body Grief, and tapping in and asking your body what it needs instead of why?
Not why. What Now? This can be the most helpful tool when navigating Body Grief and movement!
Thank you so much to Lauren for contributing an amazing perspective to the Body Grief Newsletter!
Here is where you can find Lauren!
I cannot overstate how helpful this was for me. Thank you so much, Jayne.
this is a wonderful thing to keep in mind moving forward, thank you! <3