The subtext of Ableism

A short entry

They say: “Me too”, as they skip away to their car and drive off to a spin class

I say: “Oh yeah I’m good” as I do my best to refocus my vision back to normal so I can grab my coffee cup and pound some caffeine to numb the pain of ignorance.

They say: “I totally get it”, as they try to find the silver lining

I stay quiet as loneliness takes over and I attempt to nod my head.

They say: “It’s OK to rest”, as they complain about how lazy they’ve been all day.

I refrain from rolling my eyes, wishing I could have accomplished what they had accomplished by 9am.

They say: “The money will come just hold hope”.

I apply for disability and continue with my two businesses and paying off medical bills.

I make a joke.

They directly make your disability the punch line.

They say: “I’m so lazy all I’ve done is sit on my ass all day and just do nothing…. I feel so gross”

I say: “You’re not lazy! While unlocking the wheels of my wheelchair.

They say: “People attracted to disabled people must have fetishes.”

I stay quite.

They say: “At Least it’s not cancer!”

I stay quiet.

They say: “Well you wouldn’t get it, you don’t workout.”

I stay quiet.

They say: “Do you atleast stretch?!”

I stay quiet.

They say: “Have you tried….______?”

I stay quiet.

I think I am done being quiet.

I am at this point in my Body Grief process, that I am done being silenced. I don’t blame anyone for being quiet, I don’t blame myself for being quiet, because it takes a shit ton of energy to educate others! Especially when “they” are the ones that are closest to us!

This is ableism. “They” (those that think they “get it” but have the privilege of not “getting it”) will get defensive reading this. But it’s no different than that thin friend hyper fixating and talking about her diet and body to her fat friend, it’s a micro aggression, it’s privilege at its finest.

I used to be one of them, I used to be that well intentioned person, but I wish I had someone who could have woken me up and told me to cut the crap and look at my ableist rhetoric. Yet here I am sick, losing my vision, facing a hysterectomy, unable to drive, in a wheelchair, applying for disability and dodging ableist microaggressions left and right every single day. And I’m tired.

I think I can speak for a lot of disabled people that we are all tired.

If you resonate with this, let me know I would love to hear your thoughts. Happy New Year!